What was I made of?

Recently there has been a TikTok trend going around with a song that says something along the line of “two worlds collide” and one slide is a picture of parents and the next slide is a picture of the child they created together. A beautiful heartwarming trend that I wanted so badly to participate in. However the fact that my mom and my biological father were never together the idea that there even exists a picture of them together was next to impossible. I quickly made a funny video to the song used for the trend poking fun at the awkward sadness that was not having a picture of the two people my face was made of together. Not thinking anything of it I continued scrolling until I came across another video with that trending song similar to mine but worded in a way that hit me straight in the heart “I was not a product of love.”

Wow. Talk about going from lighthearted poking fun to wallowing in your heartbreak over something so silly. When I really thought about it after reading that sentence it hit me that I was not conceived through love. Lust and bad decisions are what created me. I began to spiral. I texted my closest friends and poured my heart out to them. I wrote in my journal for the first time in months. I was letting the enemy sneak into my mind and convince me that because I wasn’t made by two people who loved each other, I was what? Less than? Unlovable? Not worthy? I wasn’t sure what I was letting myself be convinced of but with the words of encouragement from my friends and a little talk with God it became so clear that it didn’t matter if I wasn’t conceived through love - I was raised in a house full of love by my mom and my dad who chose to be that person in my life and I grew up to be a person with a good heart full of love waiting to pour it into someone else. Not only that but I was made totally new the day I accepted Jesus into my heart. I was born again through love and faith and grace.

Another revelation after my spiral was that God knew me. He knew me before I was formed in my mothers womb. He knew the circumstances of which I was to be created and He let it happen anyways. He gave my mother her miracle baby because she wasn’t supposed to be able to carry children. He chose to let me be born into this world for a purpose. He knew that years later I would be where I am now, working in ministry, sharing the gospel and the love of Jesus Christ with others, and giving my love freely to those who need it. He created me with a purpose. I might not have been “made from love” but I was made for so much more than I could even fathom.