What Hinders My Faith?

I spent the weekend at the Appalachian Women’s Ministry Network women’s retreat. The theme and focus of the weekend was Audacious Faith. What does it mean to have audacious faith? It means to be BOLD in your faith.

During one of our meetings we broke into groups and had discussions and one of the questions we were supposed to be discussing was “what hinders your faith” there were about a dozen women in my group and I heard lots of answers such as time, energy, distractions, etc. As I’m listening to all of these women speak and realizing I haven’t opened my mouth a single time in the last 10-15 minutes of discussion time, I realized my own answer to the question.

What hinders my faith? I do. It’s me, hi, I’m the problem it’s me! I have so much love for Jesus and I know that I have faith but when it comes time to share that with other people my shyness and my anxiety overcomes my ability to be bold and share what Jesus has given me. I’ve prayed for boldness for a while, and I have seen a change in myself in certain ways but I know there’s still a lot of work for God to do in me. Give me a mic at my home church and I’ll speak, I’m hands on in our ministry, but you get me in a group of strangers and my mouth is sealed shut no matter if I have something beneficial to add to the conversation or not.

So I left this group session feeling a little disappointed in myself and discouraged and a little embarrassed. Why couldn’t I share the way some of these women were? What was I so afraid of? Did I not think I had anything meaningful to add? Was I nervous of not being listened to? What was my deal??? I shared with Pastor Stephanie that I believed that I was what hindered my faith because I couldn’t speak up and share what God had done for me outside of the comfort of my home church and my church family. And I know, I know we are all ONE body of Christ and we are all family through Him but let’s be honest, your home church is your safe place or at least it should be. Stepping out of my comfort zone has been something I’ve struggled with in all areas and settings for as long as I can remember. Stephanie didn’t shame me or put me down, she listened. She heard. She hugged me and prayed for me and spoke life into me. She told me many things but what stuck with me throughout the next few meetings is that God is building me up and that foundation is going to continue to grow and if I open my mouth to speak He WILL fill me. I have a story to share and if I’m only bold enough to trust that He will make a way for me to share, I will see lives moved and changed by the word of my testimony!